Self-Love: Without it, We are Nothing


On this blog where love is the focus, it is key to note the most important element in ever making anything work: love yourself first.

So many young women get into relationships with men who don’t really know them or these women don’t respect themselves enough and in turn the men don’t respect them back. It’s a vicious cycle when you don’t add your own self worth into the relationship equation. Before looking for someone to take away our loneliness or fill the void, it’s imperative to fall in love with ourself.

As quoted alongside this blog, what the great Buddha said is so very true: you deserve your love and affection. If you don’t believe that you deserve happiness, you’re on a very negative path and need to break away quickly. There will be no fulfillment in this short life unless you learn to love you for you. And there’s not a moment to waste when you realize that today is the day to start.

We all get twisted up in life’s busy tasks, from working long hours or studying for big exams, that we forget to care for our own peace of mind. Other times we are so preoccupied with pleasing a man that we conform to his idea of “perfect” and lose ourselves in the process. But it all roots back to you. You must be pleased with yourself in order to please another; because if not, you will one day recognize that you are unhappy with who you have let yourself become, and go franticly running for the hills.

My advice starts off simply: if you’re unhappy with where you stand right now: stop, breathe, and readjust. Whether that means doing something for just y-o-u like taking a day at the park for some meditation or a drive down the beach to smell the ocean air.

Sometimes the best way to figure things out is by being alone. Alone time is key in reaching happiness and being happy with who you are. In that time you can assess what you want to change and how you can get to that point. If you’re afraid to be alone, then break your fear; give yourself that time to read a book or a magazine, to draw or paint, to do a hobby you enjoy like biking or jogging. Anything, as long as it involves some self-help time and positive motion. So the point is: get away from every day life for just a little and go where you can just be “you.”

Communication is key in any relationship – especially with yourself. If you tell yourself “I’m not worth it” then you won’t be worth it. If you say “I’m always going to end up with jerk guys” then you will always be with jerks. The goal is to make rules for yourself. Not rules restricting you from anything, but prohibiting from negative in your path towards self-love. Thoughts like: “I’m not going to put up with any kind of abuse – verbal or physical.” or “I am a woman that needs to be respected and is respected.” Show your inner self the respect you have for you by not allowing these things.

I also suggest the wonderful concept of a vision board to organize your goals (a vision board is usually a compilation of cut-outs and photos and words of things you aspire to get to – either short term or long term – and you place this vision board somewhere visible for you to keep reminding you of these goals.) Many times we say we’re going to “fix” something about ourselves, or “change” some things we do within our day; but without organization of those plans and goals, we could easily go off track.

Now, when it comes to men, some women would be impressed with a man that truly recognizes how priceless she is. But the truth is that a real man knows how valuable you are. There is no gain in a relationship that holds you back or brings you down. Thus, women that achieve self-love will also thrive in relationships. This doesn’t limit to just relationships with a lover, but in all kinds – family, friends, coworkers, etc. Plus, it is quite possible that you’re own enlightenment on self-love will allow people to admire your achievement and try to love their own selves too.

It seems like a lot to think about, but it’s a very simple lifestyle and in return leads to happiness. With just a little extra faith in oneself, you can be better than you have ever been. It takes conscious effort to adapt and not allow the negative into your world; yet with a little practice, you’ll soon learn that you don’t need anyone who’s a damage to you. In total, all the love in the world that you need starts and ends with you.

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2 Responses to Self-Love: Without it, We are Nothing

  1. Thank you for such an in-depth and heart moving post. I am sure that many of your readers have and will benefit from reading this profound piece. The most fundamental profession of this blog, i.e. that of self-love, cannot be stressed enough! St. Augustine, who lived from 354-430, once wrote that love of self is the standard by which we measure all other loves and through which we offer our love of other (City of God, Bk I). I think that Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) also had a similarly keen insight. I think that there is a dimension to love, an intrinsic quality, if you will, that needs to be explored. Love is self-giving, it overflows, it offers itself unreservedly to others. We need to love ourselves. We need to foster self-respect, self-worth, self-understanding. But love does not end there; nay, this is just the beginning. These are the seeds that grow, and which grow like that of the seeds of mustard tree. While love begins with us, it certainly never ends with us. While we foster self-love, we are fostering a love which will overflow. While we try to treasure up a storehouse of love for ourselves, we come to the most axiomatic and fundamental realization: love, when we have it, is intended to be given away, wholeheartedly, unreservedly, completely, with all that we are and all that we have. We give it away sooner than we have it, we taste it but for a second before we offer it to another, it is given away before we can feel or embrace its texture…. That, Diamari, is the nature of love. If love of self is the first school of life, then loving the other completely and unreservedly may be considered our graduation.

    Just some thoughts.

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